Ten Ways To Tell If The Relationship You’ve Established With Your Cell Phone Is Perhaps,  A Bit, “Over The Top!”

1.  You slowly begin to wake from a restful night’s sleep and rather than give that first sip of coffee your full attention, you grab your phone to see if anyone messaged you, poked you or revealed some incredibly fantastic news on Facebook after you dozed off the night before that you just have to know more than anything in the world.
2. You learn that sitting on the toilet too long will actually cause your legs to “fall asleep.”  Yes, it’s true.  They get tired of waiting for you to check all of your messages while propped up on that hollow circle that inevitably restricts the blood flow to them and they have no other choice.  Once you remove yourself, you learn rather quickly legs aren’t real happy when you “wake” them up.
3. You begin to wonder why so many people are saying, “I told you this about a week ago, don’t you remember?” and then you realize it might have something to do with the fact that you were somewhat distracted by a story about a dress that looks white with touches of gold in some pictures and blue with touches of black in others. Hmmm, this is interesting stuff, no doubt.
4. Your whole life is being conveniently stored on your phone.  Your family’s birthdays, your grocery list, your business contacts, your results from your pregnancy test provided you purchased your phone with the optional “pee stick” attachment.  Your phone is no longer a means of communication between you and another person for a small amount of time but rather a device that has given you the confidence to share everything you can possibly think of just in case you forget everything about yourself and all at the very same time.
5. You go out to eat with friends but carry on a text conversation with someone else the entire time you could be laughing and carrying on with real people sitting within 3 feet of you.
6. You feel the need to call home to make sure you pick up the right kind of shampoo.  We all know shampoos are all different and the reason manufacturers create 7000 different kinds is because there are 7000 different ways people can get their hair dirty…..of course.
7. Due to the fact that you have a very busy and productive life, you need to make use of every single second of every single day so you save your chats with yours friends for those times when you sit down in the stall of a public restroom.  It’s so darn handy to have that phone with you and I’d be willing to bet your friend can’t even tell where you are if you pretend to sneeze or cough during the “splash down” and flush parts of your mission.
8. Your friends wouldn’t describe you as the “chatterbox” type but for some reason, you can always think of someone to call while you’re at the store and you’ve learned the best time to get into a really involved chat is when it’s time to check out.  The people ringing up your sale don’t mind.  They love trying to slip in a few pertinent questions when they notice you taking a breath.  (Okay, I’m kidding.  They’re really entertaining thoughts of slapping you up in an attempt to get your attention for the better part of 3 minutes.)
9. You may or may not be aware of this yet but when you are out in public talking on your phone, YOU ARE TALKING A LOT LOUDER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.
10. You are into fitness and you take regular walks.  You’ve been attached to your phone so long that you are now able to walk without watching where you’re going and you almost never run into anything except an occasional stop sign, that guy on the skateboard, the woman with the stroller, the trash can, the garage sale sign, the guy wearing the furniture store sign advertising a big sale and the parked car but those things happen to everyone….the phone DID NOT distract you.

This story was inspired by a letter to “Dear Abby” I read earlier about a parent that was so let down by her adult children  when they arrived at her house for a birthday party.  No one offered to help clear the table, do the dishes or watch the children but rather sat around each staring at their cell phones or tablets while she did all the work.  It’s just another story of a very good and helpful invention gone terribly wrong in some instances.  It’s nothing new, this type of thing happens all the time.

(No, cell phones don’t come with a “pee stick” attachment……not yet anyway but I like the fact that I had you wondering!  Sorry.  It’s makes reading my work more fun as you never know what I’ll say next.)