I’ve been taking mental notes on my commute to work and on my drives out of town recently and I’ve decided there are quite a few different types of drivers.  “Down the road” I may even add a few more.

1.  “The Spaz” types sit at stop lights and let up on their brakes every 3 seconds and inch ahead approximately three fourths of an inch each time until the light finally turns green.  Spaz types are well known for their addictions to caffeine and sugar.

2.  “The Dreamer” types use their time at stop lights to meditate and enjoy the scenery.  Some have even been known to drift off.  This type almost always ends up as the first car in a string of many in that same lane and studies have shown that they hear more horns than any other people on the face of the earth….coming from behind, of course.

3.  “The Butt” types  are the insurance risks that love to smoke and drive.  One of their favorite activities is tossing their lit cigarette out the window of their moving vehicle.  Isn’t that littering?  It’s not something that just disintegrates the second it hits the ground and it’s also on fire!  That should mean it’s okay for me to light my trash on fire and toss it out my car window while I’m on my way to work.  To heck with dumpsters.  Who needs ’em?

4.  “The Music Man” types drive the cars with the really dark, atomic bomb strength, tempered glass windows.  They’ve been driving with the volume of their sound system so loud for so long that they can no longer hear it but they can feel it and it feels good.  It’s been determined their sound systems have been the number one reason cars without mechanical problems end up at service stations for tune ups.  You’ve heard that low pitched thumping before.  You just didn’t know it wasn’t coming from your car…..until now!

5.  “The Blabbermouth” types are the drivers that wants to tell you a little bit about themselves.  They can easily be identified by the clever little saying spelled out on their license plates, the outdoor grade vinyl stickers affixed to their back window telling you there’s a dad, a mom, a boy, a girl, two dogs and one cat or a boy urinating on something.  I’ve learned over time these drivers are among some of the happiest ones out there.  They rarely cut in front of you, they don’t honk at you if you do something wrong and I’m betting they’re just darn nice people, even the ones that pee on stuff….harmless….I’m telling ya….good people.

6.  “The Sundae Driver” types are the drivers that always ends up ahead of you when you’re in a hurry.  I purposely spelled it the way I did as they appear to be some of the sweetest people in existence.  If we weren’t in so much of a hurry when we see them it would be fun to just pull into the nearest ice cream stand and visit with them for a few minutes.

7.  “The Blinkless Wonder” types are the drivers that never use turn signals.  This type is better known for their ability to raise blood pressures than stress, obesity and excessive use of salt combined.  I’ve also heard they are the reason 4 letter words were invented.  These drivers don’t typically spend a lot of time making plans.  They just go with the flow….that is, until it rear-ends ’em.

8.  “The Device-ists” are the ones that just can’t take a break from their phone for a single solitary second.  They feel an undeniable urge to call someone, text someone or surf the internet while driving because they know nothing bad really happens when you take your eyes of the road and they also know all the pictures of smashed vehicles  on the internet are staged.  Those things don’t really happen.  This type of driver is the one you will most often see zipping through red lights.  They can also be found at the end of a string of cars turning well after the turn signal turns RED!  They not only love their phones.  They love gaming and Marvel Comics and these risks takers feel as if they’re actually living out the actions of one of their favorite superheroes!

9.  “The Tyre Buyers” are the ones that leave their mark anywhere and everywhere they possibly can.  Sometimes it’s a straight line and sometimes it’s curved but you won’t know for sure until the smoke clears.  These types of drivers may appear to be a tad bit reckless but in reality, they’re some of the best drivers out there and if you ever need to travel down an icy, muddy or snow packed road, they’re going to be the ones that will keep that vehicle on the road when everyone else is sitting in the ditch.

10.  And last but not least there’s “The Yellow Flagger” type.  This cautious driver does their best to stop when they should stop and go when they should go.  They use their turn signals.  They wear their seat belt and their goal is always to get from point A to point B with as little conflict as possible.  They’re cautious and careful most of the time.  They’re the type that will rescue kittens and move them to places where they’ll be taken care of.  Their accident history is typically short but can sometimes include collisions with well built iron structures like windmills.

I included a few very subtle clues as to which types Don and I are just for fun.  Any ideas?  And also, which one are you?