I was a pretty good kid. When I think back to the few times I got in trouble or made a bad decision, there is one particular friend that comes to mind. It’s probably best if I don’t mention her name because she might end up reading this and plot my untimely death but then again, she might laugh and give me a call. Hearing her voice is something that hasn’t happened in nearly 16 years and perhaps that is what inspired this post. I really, really miss her.
She and I met before kindergarten. She came over to my house with her suitcase full of Barbies and we headed up to my room to play. After our first meeting we knew we would be friends for life and over the course of our childhood years we made great use of our time together. We played Barbies and made mud pies and rode our bikes and blew bubbles and played hopscotch. There was never a dull moment when we were together. One day I called to see if she could come over and play. She asked me to hold on while she checked with her mom. I waited and waited and waited and began to wonder why she hadn’t returned to the phone to tell me what her mom said and then I happened to glance out the dining room window and saw her walking up the sidewalk. So she was a little dingy, who cares. I liked her. She had cool barbies!
Eventually the freedom we experienced as toddlers and whatever that phase is in between being a toddler and a kindergarten kid came to an end and we were in school. I was no longer a baby. I had to start growing up. A lot of my childhood experiences are a bit fuzzy but then there are a few that have stayed with me. They had reasons for staying crystal clear. If you make it to the end, you’ll see why.
It’s not often you hear about a first grade kid fainting but my friend literally fainted one day. She accidentally shut her fingers in her desk and apparently her pain threshold was clocking in at a negative thirty five that day and all of a sudden, there she was, on the floor, in a pile. Who would think first grade kids in the early 70’s would get exposed to that kind of drama? I should have probably realized this was a sign and that I should stay as far away from her as possible but I liked her and you stick by your friends even if they have a pain threshold of a negative thirty five from time to time.
We spent a lot of time together so not having an issue that had consequences until we were 8 years old is actually pretty impressive. The following information is the first incident with this friend and it took place when we were in the 3rd grade. We knew we were supposed to be quiet but for some reason my friend said, “Pssst, Bev, I have something to tell you.” I had no idea what she needed to tell me and wondered, for about a half a second, why it couldn’t wait until recess. When you’re 8 years old though, you don’t have a fully functional, intricately wired “cause and effect” process installed in your brain so I leaned over to hear her breaking news. Several seconds into the story I felt some rather intense pain stemming somewhere near my left ear. It was Mrs. Matheny pulling me back to an upright position in my little desk. I got “Psssted” and asked to lean over but by leaning over I was the one that got in trouble. My friend was just lucky we had different desks in 3rd grade or we may have tested her pain threshold that day when no one was looking, just saying.
The next bout of trouble arrived in 5th grade. That same “friend” had gotten terribly sick causing her to miss a week of school. She was behind in several subjects and asked me if I would let her copy my math papers. I knew it wasn’t a good idea and I remember my cousin saying, “Don’t do it Bev. You’re going to get yourself in trouble.” I knew she was right but I was a bit of a pushover and I caved but I told my friend, “Whatever you do, don’t let the teacher find these” as I slipped her the answers she needed, to get on top of her math homework. She told me not to worry and the next thing I knew, the school day was drawing to a close and the teacher announced that she needed my friend and me to stay after class. Lightening bolts shot through my body as I knew the reason had to be something bad. I was right. My friend accidentally let the teacher see my math papers and it landed me a punishment that not only exhausted my mind and my attention span but the lead in two pencils as well! I was instructed to write, “I will never give my math answers to anyone again.” 150 times!!!!
Things rolled along pretty smooth for the next five years until the need for creativity arrived and this friend called upon me to help her out. The best part of this experience is the fact that we didn’t get in any sort of trouble which was nice but what happened did sort of bug me and I have finally decided to set the record straight! Our English teacher asked us to rewrite a Christmas carol using some of our own words. I have no idea what song I chose for myself but I got the assignment done and probably got a good grade on it but no bells and whistles and no laughter came with my submission. I do remember, however, that I chose to rewrite “Frosty The Snowman” for my dear friend because she couldn’t think of anything and desperately needed my help. The teacher loved “her” rewrite and sang it in front of the class and laughed like there was no tomorrow every time she got to the part that read….”and two eyes made out of raisins.” It probably wasn’t that funny but it sounded funny because it didn’t flow with any of the other words and that’s why I chose it. It wasn’t predictable or anything near what the singer was expecting and that’s what brought the laughs. Did my friend fess up and say, “I can’t take all the credit for this because Bev helped me.”? No, she didn’t. She took all the credit. Well now, if you were there and you remember those “raisin eyes” you can thank me for that laugh because I wrote those words!
I’ve always tried to be a good friend but it isn’t always easy. The same friend that talked me into rewriting her Christmas song also talked me into taking Short Hand rather than Home Economics our junior year. I’m not sure why I let her do this as I knew I would probably never use what I learned in Short Hand ever again once the class was over and I was right. I also knew what was going to be covered in Home Economics that year and how incredibly valuable it would have been to me as an adult but I wanted to make my friend happy so I let her persuade me to take Short Hand. I’m not sure why I let her do things like that to me. Saying no just wasn’t something that was easy for me to do. Perhaps there will be a young person that ends up reading this post and maybe it will help them to understand, sometimes friends will do their darnedest to talk you into doing things you really don’t want to do and it is okay to say no. I sort of wish I had figured out how to do that a few times but the view looking back is always a whole lot clearer.
In reality and without anger I can honestly say giving in to this friend all those years ago shaped a very important part of what makes me who I am. Had I decided not to be friends anymore with someone that faints I would have said no to the compassion taking root in my heart. The ear being pulled taught me to respect authority. The sentence writing solidified the teacher’s desire to see all of her students succeed by doing their own homework. The extra bit of song writing I didn’t get credit for forged a very necessary amount of humility within me that has come in handy numerous times since then and and by taking Short Hand I established a friendship with my teacher that has gone on for years in my adult life. Isn’t insight an amazing thing? I suppose I wouldn’t have nearly as much had I said no more often in those incredibly crystal clear formative years!