Everyone embarks on their very own individual journey. We’re created, we develop and the very second we’re born, our adventure begins. We begin to learn and grow from the very moment our birth is recorded and there are no two journeys exactly the same. It’s really quite remarkable, when you take the time to think, just how unique we really are and how each and every circumstance we encounter shapes us and molds our mental, spiritual and physical being. I spend a lot of time, not only trying to make sense of my own destiny, but to try and understand other’s as well and I find myself the most intrigued when my path crosses that of someone who appears to throw boulders into mine. I’ve always tried to convince myself these “boulder throwers” must have a reason for making my life more difficult but coming up with a reason why would always take center stage when the Lord and I would visit at the end of the day. I have prayed and prayed for the knowledge to understand why some people appear to enjoy the process of making me question nearly every word I say and every thought I think. One such individual, in particular, has taken up quite a bit of room in my thoughts lately and quite honestly, I don’t think I have ever been more hurt by anyone in my entire life. The prayers and tears and days have come and gone and I can honestly say I wasn’t sure the answer would ever arrive as nothing really appeared to be changing.
Prayer is such an interesting phenomenon. We offer our thoughts and innermost feelings to our Great and Powerful Savior and then, when nothing appears to be changing we wonder if He heard our prayer. Isn’t being human sad at times? We honestly lose faith and start to believe we really aren’t heard. We convince ourselves there really isn’t comfort coming and we even start to believe nothing is going to change…..
And then……
Somethings changes.
I’m not sure about you but from my own experience, the answers to my prayers never arrive like a letter in the mailbox, plain and clear, black and white. I would describe the answer to a prayer to that of water being introduced to very dry soil. The water gently touches the hard, sun baked surface and is slowly absorbed. Eventually the cracks dissolve and the change is evident.
At times we hear the voice of God but from my experience it isn’t nearly as theatrical as movies might suggest. For me it’s like words I hear, ever so gently introduced into my thoughts that had never occurred to me before. From my most recent experience the words I heard helped me to realize I tend to view myself as a victim when in reality, that is not my intended role. From this most recent hurtful and very painful experience I have been praying about, the words I heard said,
“I didn’t put this difficult person in your life……I put you in theirs.”
From the moment I heard those words I realized I wasn’t a victim at all but rather chosen to share some of the glorious compassion I witness from our dear Lord and Savior each and every day. I was no longer someone that could be hurt by venomous words but rather someone God entrusted to attempt to bring this soul closer to Him.
It’s only been a month since this “change” has taken place and I’m sure there will still be moments when I struggle with this person but what’s different now is something in me has changed and that something has helped me to realize that sometimes what we pray for will not change the situation but it will change the way we perceive it.