Is it just me or do you have days when you see someone professing something totally, completely 100% positive and all you can do is maintain your composure while your inner self is secretly imagining how much it would enjoy filling the inside of their car with marshmallow cream?  Perhaps one could define this inner frustration as PMS or worse yet, an introduction to menopause.  I suppose menopause wouldn’t be such a bad thing as it is that much awaited signal we women wait for to finally bring an end to an era of painful cramps, bloating, feminine product purchases and for some, an end to fearing their fate when their “time of the month” doesn’t arrive as planned!

I’m sure you can think of at least one or two of those happy, exuberant types that are always pumped and ready to take on the world and brag about their milestone accomplishments that include weight loss and you know for a fact they’ve never been more than 10 pounds overweight and others with similar bouts of energy that tend to wear on my frazzled, hormonaly confused, fifty something nerves.  They typically exude several undeniable qualities that may or may not include an ample supply of self confidence, vanity and fake attachments that may or may not have been surgically implanted, clipped in or glued on and  they’re usually thin and I’m not and I never have been so I begin to secretly assemble the tenacity I’m quite sure I’ll need to accept their stature before they open their mouth because all too many times in my life I have been in the company of others that love to complain about things they have no business complaining about and one thing skinny attractive people typically love to complain about is….yes, you guessed it…..BEING FAT!  Some of them can eat whatever they want and never gain an ounce.  Some eat almost nothing while others consume only the most healthy of healthy foods and exercise as much as they possibly can.  I’m not condemning them in any way……okay, maybe I am, but they drive me nuts when they complain about their weight!  I have more compassion for fat people that have managed to conquer their obesity and maintain it than I do for those who have never, and I do mean never, have had a weight problem.  I would have loved to have started out as one of those skinny, scrawny kids that eventually blossomed into a set of beautiful female curves but that isn’t how things played out for me.  I was a rolly polly baby, a chubby toddler, a pudgy kid, a fat teenager and a morbidly obese adult.  For years I attended Weight Watcher meetings.  I lost a total of 4412 pounds which may not sound at all possible but I counted all of my losses including the losses that happened after lost weight was gained then lost, then gained again and then lost again and so on.  You fat people that have lost and gained weight will understand this.  It took me years to understand the women that would join this program to lose the same amount of weight I download each morning when I visit the bathroom!  During countless meetings I sat there fighting the urge to hog tie these women and force skittles into their mouths!  Who were they kidding!???!!!  There I was, setting my goal at 200 pounds of loss while they reached “Goal” after their third week of “being on track.”  It just didn’t feel right to me but eventually I reached a point of acceptance for them and decided that they were actually more motivated than me and chose to approach their weight issue before it weighed 200 pounds.  I could have done that but I’m not sure I could have fit in the meetings as my schedule was pretty booked with third grade homework and skipping through mud puddles.

In reality, I reached 165 pounds of weight loss after my second year on Weight Watchers.  I’ve maintained 120 pounds of that loss since 2006 which is incredibly unlikely and eventually (very near future) I plan to continue my fight with the unwanted pounds I force my body to lug around every day until they are lost and hopefully never recovered.  I hope they don’t place pictures of themselves on milk cartons or post pictures on bulletins boards as they are unwanted, unnecessary reminders of days when I allowed my inner pain, my stress and my lack of faith to have power over the amazing woman I know I am.

Sometimes I long for my youth, especially when I see someone allowing their youth to explode in every possible direction,  filled with more enthusiasm and passion for life than I ever remember having and then I realize how happy I am to be where I am, knowing what I know and being the woman God wants me to be.

PS:  No, I didn’t actually lose 4412 pounds all together but I had a few of you doing the math now didn’t I?