I loved my dad but he didn’t always make it easy.  He was never the type to shower us with compliments or self esteem building comments and unfortunately, over time, we accepted it and life went on.  As an adult I think I feel more sorry for the kids that are told how amazing and talented they are and how perfect they do everything because the world waiting for them isn’t going to be nearly as grateful for their presence nor will it help them to believe they’re wonderful in every possible way.  Maybe my dad knew this and how he raised us was his way of preparing us for the world he knew we would be forced to face.

God blessed me with some artistic and creative abilities and when they started to reveal themselves I was somewhat confused by the positive response I was beginning to receive.  Up to that point my entire life had felt like a walk uphill.  It seemed there was always a bit of a struggle when taking that next step and then, at some point, without realizing it, I hit the top of that mountain and people began to appreciate me and helped me to see the world in a somewhat brighter way.  My dad didn’t appear to be proud or interested in what I was doing but other people were and it felt so good.

My first “real” job never made me feel inadequate.  My boss recruited me to work for her and not once did she belittle me but rather gave me a taste of self confidence when she entrusted me to head two departments.  I loved my job there but eventually marriage and relocation took me away.  I was “discovered” yet again and recruited to work for yet another business that utilized my talents and eventually I decided to spread my wings and start my very own business.  It wasn’t as lucrative as I had hoped so when another job presented itself, I took yet another leap and once again, I was convinced I was, indeed, an asset.

For a while after moving to the big city, I, once again, lost sight of feeling adequate and appreciated.  I suppose it’s just a small part of a much bigger picture but the mountain returned and each step I took was uphill.  The summit looked somewhat different this time.  It looked more unattainable than it ever had before.  The faces were all different but all the old feelings returned.  This may sound like a very sad ending but in reality it was the complete opposite.  My feelings of inadequacy are what led me away from the “climb” that would inevitably get me no where and forced me to believe I would, indeed, be triumphant once again.  I just had to switch mountains.  I’m not exactly sure what to expect but for this new journey I’m dragging a bag of experience with me.  It may take a bit longer but I’ll get there because this time I packed some extra motivation inside that bag of experience because I know just exactly how good reaching the top can feel and trust me, I am on my way!