The Top Five Reasons You Won’t Receive An Employee Of The Year Award Vote From Me

1. You arrive late for work every day.  It has happened so often that you no longer have to practice that exasperated and overwhelmed look.  It just comes natural because you’ve used it so many times.  Translated it might be similar to the look you might have if your mattress explodes in the middle of the night while you’re dreaming about the pet yak you ordered on amazon that ate the plastic pears you hang on your Christmas tree every year and the call from the local vet had you in tears.

2.  Once you’ve clocked in, you make every attempt to do as little as possible until you’re told what you’ll be doing during your shift.  Once that information is delivered you go back to doing as little as possible and ignore the pleasant, not so pleasant and down right nasty reminders.

3.  You take between 4 and 6 potty breaks, 4 visits to the water fountain and at least 3 trips into the break room during your 3 hour shift.  Sometimes you “forget” you left your phone in your pants pocket which is against store policy and it ends up causing you a rather overwhelming amount of undie soiling stress when it decides to ring when you’re talking to the manager on duty.

4.  We’re all good at something and one of your favorites is “looking busy.”  It doesn’t take a lot to recognize this ability in people.  They’re the embellishers.  They sprinkle glitter on everything and try to be ready at a moments notice for the times when they know they’ll be asked what’s done and what’s not done and when the “not done” list is longer, which is every day, you can bet a pile of excuses equal to or higher than the “not done” pile will follow.

5.  You’re just plain lazy.  You don’t like to do any more than you have to and the fact that everyone knows this doesn’t bother you in the least.  Someone else can sweep the floor and empty the garbage.  Someone else can put fabric and trims away.  Someone else can do what needs doing because you have more important things to do.

I’ve worked in a retail atmosphere for years so when I go to work I automatically slip into “get busy” mode and try to set a good example for the lolly gaggers.  I’m not perfect and there are occasions I tend to run a bit late but when I’m there, I’m there to work.  I don’t make attempts to collect a check for doing absolutely nothing and you can bet I’m going to make sure you don’t either!  The “going above and beyonders” are becoming fewer and farther between so when I run into one I make sure I take the time to tell them just how rare they  really are!