Have you ever had a time in your life when you wondered if your heart was actually beating?  Have you ever felt hollow and empty inside?  It’s not a good place to be and several years ago, that is where I existed.  A stethoscope can easily detect a physical noise coming from deep within your chest but I learned there’s another heart beat that can’t be heard and that’s the one that stopped.  Every day was the same.  Nothing changed.  I worried about the same things.  I performed the same tasks and attempted to make everyone happy….except myself.  There came a time when I knew I had been given the push I needed to spread my wings and although terrified, I did just that.  I hurt someone in the process and I’ve never been the kind of person that has enjoyed hurting others so the journey I’ve been on for the past few years has not been an easy one.

I did all the wrong things which I’ve decided must be somewhat typical.  The counselors I listened to at my divorce support group meetings had all been there and made those same mistakes.  Perhaps that should have told me what not to do but I’ve learned to follow my instincts and they led me into a relationship that has grown into something most people only read about in fairy tales.

Don is away for a week and when he called I didn’t hear my phone ringing as I had dozed off on the couch after a long but rather pleasant day at work.  I checked my phone as soon as I woke up and saw that he had indeed called so I called him back.  We had a great conversation about all kinds of interesting things and the longer we talked the more wound up I got.  I realized about the same time he did that I was more hyper than I’ve ever been and the only reason I could come up with was the caffeine I had consumed with my supper.  What’s weird is caffeine never usually affects me like that so I continued to ponder my rather exuberant nature even after we ended our call.

As I guided the vacuum over the floors and cleaned up the remnants from my fabulous birthday party last weekend I realized I was smiling the whole time.  It’s safe to say the memories of my birthday party are going to put a smile on my face for a very long time but I thought beyond that incredible celebration and started thinking about our relationship.  I told Don I was in the mood to clean and organize right now and when that mood hits, things happen.  What I didn’t realize is that the words that were about to come out of his mouth were going to be the words that would solve this energetic mystery.  He said, “I’m going to check up on you when I get home and see if you really did do all those things you told me you were going to do.”

This comment might anger some or cause others to be a bit perturbed that their partner would hold them accountable but to me, it felt amazing.  There is actually someone in my life that cares enough about me to be interested in everything I do even if it’s just weeding through a closet or two or perhaps organizing a cupboard.  He actually listens to me when I talk and even though we both make attempts to finish each other’s sentences quite often, we’re communicating.

I’m not sure if he knows just how good it feels when he listens to me and actually remembers what I said.  It’s something so simple but I’ve learned it’s a vital part of a healthy relationship.  It’s also something I desperately needed and something I definitely have…….now.