In general, I’m a pretty upbeat person.  I try to focus on the positives but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my share of tough times in my life when I was sure the sky was falling.  As the years come and go  we’re led through experiences that tend to reconfigure a lot of things about us and if we’re lucky, those changes are beneficial, not only to us, but also to those we love and to those we form friendships with.  I would be the first to admit I’m not perfect and at times, I can be very blunt with my opinions.  I’ve learned that sometimes it’s nearly impossible to make contact with someone unless you are.  I’ve been in conversations that appear to be going in circles and it’s then I tend to offer a heaping helping of reality.  To my knowledge, I’ve never lost a friend because of it but rather, strengthened the bond, due to the fact that I don’t always say what people think they need to hear.

I have a friend in my life right now that finds a reason to be upset with me every time she sees me.  I’ve been told about a few things that have caused her frustrations but in reality, I see a much bigger picture.  I’m situated in the “bulls-eye” position on her target right now but deep down inside I think she’s hurting from the toes up and I don’t think it has anything to do with me.  I think she’s terrified to face some of the inevitable circumstances that will eventually be a part of her future  and I sometimes think she believes that no one cares.  She’s a kind and wonderful person but her focus is completely out of focus.  She buys unimaginable amounts of merchandise and while the purchase is happening, there is joy.  I’m not sure how long the joy lasts but according to the frequency of the shopping trips, it doesn’t last nearly long enough.

Some might wonder how I could possibly read so much into what I’m seeing with this friend, that is unless they knew me well enough to know I’ve been in her shoes.  For several painful years I suffered from depression.  I learned that your body will only allow you to sleep so much per day so when I couldn’t sleep, I would shop.  I did my shopping online and I remember the rush I would get when the boxes arrived.  Those boxes gave me purpose and a reason to feel something other than misery.  I struggled my way through those times and I sometimes wonder how I survived but I guess all that’s really important is the fact that I did, indeed, survive.

From my experience I learned that compassion for others is vital.  I learned that putting other’s needs above your own will pay greater rewards.  I learned that friendships are worth more than gold and I learned that the Grace of God will bring you into the light even if you fear darkness is all there will ever be.