I’m not exactly sure just how acquaintances become friends but I do  know how they don’t become friends and as fate would have it, I ran into two of those people that didn’t make my friend list this past Saturday and each situation had me a bit baffled, asking myself, “What are the chances?”

I like to think I’m pretty easy to talk to and it’s not often I run into people I can’t communicate with.  From past experience, actions and comments stemming from an all around negative attitude are deal breakers for me and if they exist, I’m probably not going to waste a whole lot of my time around you.  It’s best for both of us as my powers of biting my lip are somewhat limited when I am faced with someone that finds absolutely no joy in “playing nice with others!”   The two people I happened upon Saturday were actually women I used to work with.  One of them was the girl that trained me to do the custom framing at a previous job nearly 30 years ago and the other was a co-worker from my present job that finally decided to move on and find a job that offered more hours and not once have I heard anyone say how sad they are that she left or how much they miss her including me.

I actually happened upon the one that left the place where I am currently employed first and I was rather surprised at how pleasantly she reacted to me when I walked in the door of the convenience store where she is now working.  I was dumbfounded to see her and even though I wasn’t able to muster up the same pleasant reaction, I was civil and courteous.  There were roughly 200 miles separating the two women I would encounter that day so I had time to ponder the first reunion before being confronted with yet another.

I thought about the months I worked with that woman and the negative aura that surrounded her every day.  We never had any terribly heated discussions but when people lash out at me for no particular reason I tend to remove myself from situations that will involve a lot of conversing.  It’s my way of saying there is no place in my world for you right now.  That may seem harsh but it’s how I protect myself from unnecessary attacks.  Once someone has established this type of standing with me I go into “observe” mode.  I listen to their conversations with others.  I watch how they do things and I slowly let them back in if I feel there is any hope of understanding just what has made them so incredibly bitter.  There is one thing I remember her saying not long before she moved on to the job she now has and here it is:  “I have no life.”  Four words that spoke volumes when added to all the things I had learned about her over time.  At that very moment I felt compassion for someone I could barely tolerate and according to the reaction she had for me on Saturday, perhaps she knew there was actually someone in this world that understood her pain.

My next experience arrived at the checkout while at Walmart.  Don was busy unloading the cart when I caught sight of the woman sliding our items past the scanner.  She looked familiar but I had to get a peek at her name tag as reassurance she was who I thought she was and she was.  Time had changed her appearance considerably but her eyes appeared to be the same cold, uncaring eyes they were back when they were looking down at me making me feel as small and insignificant as they possibly could.  I like to believe I’m a very forgiving type person but I’ve also learned over time that forgiving isn’t about forgetting but rather choosing to take something positive away from negative experiences.  I don’t hate this woman or anyone else for that matter.  As time has gone on I’ve realized some of the most negative people are some of the most insecure people that have been angered and hurt by others one too many times.  I could tell “Kris” was hoping I wouldn’t remember her as she is probably three times the size she was 30 years ago and her beautifully styled blonde hair and flawless makeup have been replaced by a more realistic and approachable look but I did remember her and I told her I did.  She remembered me too and mustered up a bit of guarded conversation before it was time for us to go.  You could see a bit of relief in her eyes as she said goodbye and I turned around and said,  “It was nice to see you.  You’re just as beautiful today as you always were.”  I didn’t have to say that but I did.  I didn’t have to forgive her for making me feel terrible all those years ago but I did.  I didn’t even have to tell her I recognized her as I could tell she was hoping I wouldn’t but I did.  As a result of my comment, I was able to erase a pair of cold and uncaring eyes from my memory and replace them with a pair of eyes that became a window that allowed me to see beauty from within rather than beauty that covered a very cold and uncaring heart.

If it weren’t for pain, would our good times feel just as good?   Would we appreciate all the blessings in our lives if we were never challenged or put in situations that left us feeling unappreciated?  I believe balance is the most important factor in our existence.  We need some pain for growth.  We need to be humbled to develop compassion.  What’s unfortunate is when the balance doesn’t exist.  In my experience with the two women I’ve written about, I believe they’ve both suffered more pain that unfortunately created a rather large void where joy should exist.  I didn’t enjoy knowing them because of how they treated me but not once did I believe in my heart that I had any reason to hate them.  I did, however,  have all the reasons in the world to say a prayer for them.   Prayer is powerful and fully capable of replacing the pain in anyone’s heart with joy and a balance each and every one of us needs to survive in this crazy thing called life!