One of the most difficult parts of my divorce was the decision to leave and leave without Missy,  Molly, Max, Macie Pearl and Punky.  They were the only children I had but to everyone else they were just four cats and a dog.  I was planning to live with my mom for a while and I knew taking them with me wasn’t an option.  I remember the counselor I visited with before making the most difficult decision of my life asking me what was holding me back and I’ll never forget what I said.  It wasn’t that I had hope the issues in our marriage were going to go away or ever change.  It wasn’t that I feared where my path would lead me but rather, how could I walk away from 5 precious souls that gave me every ounce of love they had to offer each and every day.  How was I going to be able to fall asleep each night without Molly sitting 4 inches from my face, staring at me and gently putting her paw on my nose every time I closed my eyes?  How would I ever be able to type without Max laying across the front of my keyboard?  How would I ever be able to take a nap in the afternoon without Macie there to join me while she kicked her purr into high gear and persuaded me to rub her tummy?  How was I ever going to muster up the willpower to get a walk in everyday without Missy’s undeniable need for walks?  And how was I going to bond with the most beautiful little rag doll kitten in the world if I wasn’t there?

The counselor could see the pain in my eyes and here is what she said, “I realize, that to you, those cats and that dog are way more than 4 cats and a dog right now but in time you’ll see things differently.  Right now and for a lot of years you’ve been searching for a way to fill some rather large gaps that have formed in your marriage.  Those pets have filled some of those “empty” spots but they’re no longer enough.  I promise that all cats and all dogs will love you in the very same way these do and in time you’ll heal and the pain of leaving them behind will lessen.”

I do quite well most days but I still have my moments.  Seeing cat and dog fabric at work is hard and seeing cats and dogs on TV cause my heart to ache but God knows all about these moments and He finds subtle ways to comfort me  when I least expect it and for this, I am sincerely grateful.  I woke up this morning around 4 am.  I tossed and turned for a while and then dozed off.  All of a sudden I was petting Max, Molly and Punky and after they took off Macie plopped down in front of me and persuaded me to rub her tummy.  It was a dream but it gave me a much needed chance to see my babies and know in my heart, they still love me even though I’m no longer there.