For those of you that have an ample amount of flesh between your thighs, the following information will be incredibly easy to identify with.

When my new job began at the first fabric store I worked for, I was told I could wear pants during the week but dresses were mandatory on weekends.  I wasn’t terribly thrilled about this idea as I had a bit of a problem when I wore pantyhose and I would never think of wearing a dress without them.  My thighs have always been very good friends.  They’ve been next to each other for years and they tend to rub together when I walk.  There are people that don’t have this problem but I’ve seen a lot of people that do and this story may actually help you.

I haven’t researched this yet but I’m betting a man invented pantyhose.   A woman would never invent something that would make other women so miserable.  They’re constructed from fabric created when elastic, almost microscopic threads are knitted, forming what appears to be something you will never fit into no matter how hard you try but the magical elasticity of them actually allows miracles to happen right before your very eyes.  Putting on a pair of these wonderful creations is sort of like putting the water back in the grape when it has already been classified as a raisin.  We learn at an early age to scrunch the entire leg of the nylon up into our hand, stretch it over our toes and then slowly pull the remainder of the nylon up until our leg is completely transformed into this beautiful, smooth and newly colored appendage.  We repeat this step for the other leg and then pull the body of the nylons up to our bras if you wear the size I wear.  I haven’t tried this but on some of mine I’ll bet I could cut a hole on each side and bring them up over my shoulders but I’ll save that discovery for another post.

Once they’re on, they’re a part of you.  They don’t feel bad at first but after several hours they have a tendency to turn on you if you are one of those people with ample thighs.  The skin is forced through the holes like a piece of cheese through a grater and as the thighs rub together, tiny pieces of skin get sanded away.  Over time this causes extreme pain.  An 8 hour shift at the fabric store falls into the “extreme pain” category.  I knew I would have to come up with a solution but “forgetting” to wear a dress every weekend was only going to work for a short time.  There had to be yet another solution but what would it be?

I decided to cut a piece of tricot from one of my older slips.  I made it long enough so that I could slide one side down one leg of my hose and one side down the other leg of my hose before I pulled them up all the way hoping it would protect my inner thighs from any further torture.  Much to my amazement, it worked!  I was so happy I had finally found a solution to my very painful problem.  It just worked and worked and worked every time I wore a dress!

It seems that with every new invention, however, there are glitches.  I remember the day quite well when my tricot leg liner glitch arrived.  It was mid afternoon on a Saturday.  I was wearing a royal blue blouse and a white pencil skirt.  The skirt was so cute.  It was sort of short and it had a slit in the back and at the top of the slit was a bow I made from the same material.  I was standing at the frame shop counter with my back to the cutting table and one of my fellow employees walked up and said under her breath, “Bev, I think you have a piece of toilet paper stuck inside the leg of your pantyhose.  You might want to run to the bathroom and get that taken care of.”  Immediately I was mortified.  I knew exactly what had crawled out of one leg and into the other!  I remember my trip to the bathroom and I remember getting everything put back where it belonged and I’ll never forget just how much I still hate wearing pantyhose!